The Deepest Ocean There Is
by Jate
Summary: At the beginning there was a deep peaceful ocean. Then the fire came.   John character study. Set before and during A Study in Pink.


**The Deepest Ocean There Is**

Summary: At the beginning there was a deep peaceful ocean. Then the fire came.

John character study. Set before and during A Study in Pink.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's note: This is my second story for the Sherlock fandom. Hope you enjoy it. English isn't my mother tongue so if you see any mistakes, do not hesitate to point them out. ;)

Title comes from the band Tired Pony and their song _The Deepest Ocean There Is_. (It has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was a good title :-))

Reviews – good and bad – are cherished. :)

* * *

><p>Before, long before, John has only known of the ocean.<p>

After all, which 9-year-old kid thinks about anything else but the ocean?

Before, long before, John didn't even know that anything else but the ocean could exist.

But that was Before, long before.

(-)

Then the war came.

The war – for Queen and country – came and all the Befores turned to ashes.

(-)

If Before was a peaceful ocean, the war taking place before his eyes is a wildfire.

_(heatfirescream)_

After a day John thinks he might die on the battlefield.

(-)

In the dark of the night his dreams are filled with fires and heat and explosions and –

He forgets how many times he wakes up to the sound of his screams.

(-)

After two weeks John knows he is going to die on the battlefield.

After three months John comes to term with the idea that his death will be violent and painful.

_(heatfirescreambloodexplosion)_

(-)

During the war John learns that the theoretical death – the one he studied in university - is very different from the reality. It is really amazing how the fire can burn down everything he has known, everything he has learned, everything -

_(painscreambloodagony)_

He almost misses the Before. Almost.

(-)

Then the explosion came.

The explosion – _powerfulbrightugly _– came and tore up the patrol car.

His shoulder almost suffers from the same fate and there is so much _bloodpainheatbloodbloodpain_ .

(-)

Alive. He came back from the _warfire_ alive.

_(brokenhurtscaredaloneburned)_

He came back alive but he has to learn to live with this fire still consuming his insides, even though there are only ashes left.

He misses the deep peaceful ocean.

(-)

In his little flat he doesn't turn the radio on. Nor the telly.

He hopes the silence will soothe the fire, he hopes that the ocean will wash away the _painlonelinessfearnotlife_.

(-)

Months go by.

The ocean never comes.

(-)

Then he meets Sherlock. (_"Afghanistan or Irak?"_)

For the first time since coming back from the Great Fire he can feel his inner fire dying down a bit.

And he's not sure, but he thinks he can see a spark of _hopefriendshiplife_.

(When he will tell himself the story later, much later, he will not think he saw a spark because what he really saw that day was an explosion and it was _powerfulbrightmagnificent_.)

(-)

The first time John goes to Baker Street he sees an explosion of colours and _sherlocklifehopeadventure_.

He knows he has to move in so that he can keep on seeing those colours and Sherlock.

The inner fire is still here but he can feel it changing slowly.

(-)

When he goes back to his little flat to get his things, he stops packing for a moment and he wonders if he still misses the deep peaceful ocean.

He doesn't have the answer.

(-)

The fire grows and burns. (_"God yes!"_)

The _painhurt _is almost forgotten. Almost.

(-)

Suddenly he is back on the battlefield and he is holding a gun.

He doesn't hear the gunshot.

And he is surprised that there are no _screamheatfirebloodexplosion_.

(-)

After the first case John thinks he knows why the inner fire has changed.

_(hopeadventurelifesherlock)_

And he decides that he doesn't want this fire gone.

The _painhurt_ is forgotten.

(-)

In the quiet of his new flat – Sherlock has gone God knows where – he wonders again if he still misses the deep peaceful ocean.

He is surprised to realize that he doesn't.


End file.
